Today I Laid Down by bl4ck m4rket c4rt (Kai Wesener)

 'Today I Laid Down' - an EP by bl4ck m4rket c4rt, AKA Kai Wesener

I first heard this EP on the 29th December 2023 - today. Having had the pleasure of discovering the 6 songs comprising it a few hours ago, I've had them on repeat since; I haven't felt as moved by a piece of music as I have by Today I Laid Down for a good long while.

When I decided I wanted to get my thoughts regarding the EP out in the form of a blog post, I initially intended to do what I usually do with my music-related analyses. Whip out some quirky Music GCSE terminology, delve into particular musical and lyrical choices, all that jazz. Though these songs are more than worthy of the microscope treatment - they offer so much depth and complexity, which has become increasingly apparent to me with each listen - I think I just want to write about the way this music has made me feel.

I came upon the project by bl4ck m4rket c4rt (AKA Kai Wesener) while browsing albumoftheyear.org, on which it is considered one of its users' favourites of the year. After listening to it, I can say it's certainly my favourite EP of the year - perhaps even my favourite music to come out of 2023 overall. Little aspects of it that immediately came to my attention, like the appearance of the glockenspiel in almost every song, Wesener's raw vocals and the artist's phenomenal ability of building compositions up to a climax, I find to be captivating and tragic in equal measure.

Kai Wesener is no longer with us, having ended his life in October of this year. He was born in May in the year 2006 - just one month before I myself came into the world - and the talent he possessed pertaining to music is encapsulated in Today I Laid Down. Everything - from the production to the arrangement to the very instrumentation used - is astonishing across the EP. For many, following their listen of Wesener's first and only musical output, the central contemplation that will arise in their minds after its 20 minute-runtime concludes will be, 'I wonder what he does next?' 

And we can wonder, fantasise and dream endlessly of what he may have created on top of this masterful piece of music were he still alive but, unfortunately, that is all we can do.

In his absence, there remain the stunning songs he left behind. My favourite from Today I Laid Down is Alive, Always, the 4th track, whose title is made that bit more soul-crushing in the wake of Wesener's passing. It is another example of the musician's brilliant way with build-ups: progressing from shaky, shimmering synths and pained acoustic guitar strums into a cacophony of crashing drums and electric guitars, while always maintaining a note of desperation amidst the debilitating effects that poor mental health can impose onto an individual. 

Whether he knew it or not, Kai Wesener has, in transposing his perspective of the world into musical form (in a way that I can only describe as utterly beautiful), given voice to people all around the world who can empathise with his experience. I truly hope word of Today I Laid Down spreads long after Wesener's untimely passing, as it is probably one of the most powerful collections of songs many will hear in their lifetimes.